It has been over a year since my Betty passed away.
After 53 years of togetherness I find it hard to not vacillate from the last two stages of grief, depression and acceptance.
Card games, bowling, or Bunko nearly every day and sometimes twice a day, dancing on Friday nights then on to karaoke after the dance, daily doing some activity with Geri, and church on Sunday.
Although I am keeping busy with everyday activities I still am confronted with the depression and acceptance stages. I don't have any problems with denial, anger, or bargaining.
Although I do love having a relationship with Geri, I do miss Betty. Once I told Geri that she couldn't replace Betty, she cried and said "I need to go home". Later when I called her, she was crying. I explained to her that I didn't expect her to replace Betty and that it would create problems if I expected her to be like Betty and that I am the one who would have to adapt to my new life. Geri has a great sense of humor, generosity and caring.
Every day I have fluctuations in my emotions. Anxious and blue one day to lightheartedness and happy the next. I grieve one day at a time at my own pace.
When Betty died my world changed. I felt numb, shocked and fearful. My life was interrupted but now my new life is coming together much sooner than I expected.
I do miss Betty but the pain is less, still I have some bad days. The good days are more than the bad.
Realizing early on that mourning too long would not be good for my mind or my health, I determined that I needed to keep myself occupied with the things I would enjoy. Having once read that you need to do things that you enjoy because it is now only about you. That was a bit hard to do at first until I realized the therapeutic value it presented for getting on with my life.
I know and understand that Betty was ready to go but we were not ready or willing to say goodby. She left us all here to cope with her passing and I feel the girls and all the extended family are doing well in that arena. Tears still come from time to time as they are now but life must go on. I love my girls and I know they love me. POPS
"A true friend is one who reaches for your hand and touches your heart"
