TEARS OF REALIZATION

I have been struggling hard with the thought that Mommy is gone forever.  How do you deal with that?  How do you face the fact that the woman that has been in your life for 52 years as your Mother is now gone up to heaven?

Tears have streamed down my face more than once.  Sometimes it's like a faucet that was left open during a freeze and when thawed, the water just pours out when least expected.

Today, as I stood in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, I was thinking about Mom.  I had just called Dad a few moments before wishing him a Happy Birthday.  He is 79 years young today.

The tears streamed down as I pictured the tables turned.  What if it were Dad that had passed instead of Mom and she was still in good health? 

I could picture her in the kitchen as she stirred a bowl of dough to make cookies.  She is standing there staring towards the TV as tears run down her face.  She sees water dripping uncontrollably from the ceiling from a leak that Dad never fixed. 

Mom looks over to the dining room as she thinks about changing the looks of the room, but then realizes that she can't do it on her own.  The backyard needs a new deck.  The current one is so old that the boards are pulling up from their nails and splitting.  She realizes that she can't do any of this on her own. 

"Daddy, how about if we re-do the downstairs?"  She would say and Dad would get up, get his tools and begin the project. 

If the tables were turned, Mom would be miserable knowing that the house would eventually fall apart under the horribly needed repairs from its age.  Today, Daddy even mentioned it to me that he needed a completely new roof and it would cost about $10,000 to replace. 

Do I let Daddy go and do what he wants?  Do I realize that Mommy was in horrible pain and now she is home with Jesus and happy? I know that when she was still with us and she was still coherent, she signed to all of us, "It is finished."

Mommy, I will never forget you.  I will always love you and no matter what Daddy does, no woman could ever take your place.  You are my one and only Mommy.  I pray that Daddy never decides to move another woman in to your home...in to your bedroom...in to your bed.